Maureen "MoDo" Dowd is working again. She had been on hiatus, I think back in the summer, because she was writing a book. And now she's written the book (
Are Men Necessary? What Happens When the Sexes Collide, which sounds like porn), so she's back,
writing teasing articles that mesh with her book and will hopefully bump her Amazon ranking.
I actually read this whole thing. It took me two tries, and I still haven't figured out why this needed SEVEN PAGES to write. I never read MoDo because her writing sucks, and I checked Wikipedia and found out that she's 53 years old, so there is no excuse for her to be channeling a seventh grade wallflower, but there you go. The moral of this particular piece is she is not married because men are intimidated by her intelligence and success and stature. She even says she comes from a line of "statuesque" Irish domestics and has done better than her ancestors. Seriously, who thinks about themselves like this? But, focusing on her point:
1. Feminism promised women equality, but all they got was bad hair, no makeup, and a push for animalistic sex that women never really wanted anyway.
2. Men were intimidated by the new intelligent, successful, self-actualized women that emerged from the feminist movement.
3. Men stopped marrying intelligent, successful, self-actualized feminist women and married "down," to the stupid, domestic, maternal women (who wear makeup).
4. Younger women thought the makeup-less intelligent, successful, self-actualized feminist corporate women made working in professional, status-worthy professions boring and dreary. Plus, they weren't married (see #2), so they (the young women) decided to abandon feminism and careers and intelligence, sucess, and self-actualization in order to be married.
5. So now women are unequal and unintelligent and unsuccessful and unactualized and we need another feminist movement.
6. Men need to evolve so that they will want to marry feminist women.
7. MoDo will then get married.
There are some flaws in this logic. First of all, it doesn't make sense. Is Maureen Dowd upset about feminism? Is she happy with it? She seems to be both. Is she even a feminist? She claims she was too busy dating and wearing makeup when she was in college to be a feminist.
Perhaps that's the problem. I nailed her problem right from the start:
Women were once again imitating men and acting all independent: smoking, drinking, wanting to earn money and thinking they had the right to be sexual, this time protected by the pill. I didn't fit in with the brazen new world of hard-charging feminists. I was more of a fun-loving (if chaste) type who would decades later come to life in Sarah Jessica Parker's Carrie Bradshaw. ... I took the idealism and passion of the 60's for granted, simply assuming we were sailing toward perfect equality with men, a utopian world at home and at work.
Men are too focused on sex. And women are willing to be sex objects. Yet MoDo's feminist ideal is the fictional main character of a show called "Sex and the City." See the problem? Feminism -- birth control, prostitution, maternity leave, abortion -- basically boils down to female control over sex. Taking words like "slut" and "whore" and "bitch" and coopting them for the feminist movement. Writing books like the
Feminine Mystique. For that matter, breaking all male-female relationships down into the reproductive parts. Sexualizing every encounter (for instance, male bosses can't be jerks, they "sexually" harass; people didn't oppose Miers because she was unqualified, they were "sexist"). This is the feminist legacy. The mainstreaming of sex.
See, the problem she gets around to now:
Having boomeranged once, will women do it again in a couple of decades? If we flash forward to 2030, will we see all those young women who thought trying to Have It All was a pointless slog, now middle-aged and stranded in suburbia, popping Ativan, struggling with rebellious teenagers, deserted by husbands for younger babes, unable to get back into a work force they never tried to be part of?
It's easy to picture a surreally familiar scene when women realize they bought into a raw deal and old trap. With no power or money or independence, they'll be mere domestic robots, lasering their legs and waxing their floors - or vice versa - and desperately seeking a new Betty Friedan.
I appreciate the irony of women "trying to Have It All"
not being considered feminist. But focusing. Does MoDo want to be married or not? The married life she just described is hardly appealing. Yet the gist of the article seems to be she and women like her would get married if only men wouldn't "marry down," I guess to the Ativan-popping haus fraus. She plods through interviewing twenty-somethings (which she is not anymore; please, MoDo, accept your age gracefully) talking about how girls really shouldn't call guys first and guys should pick up the check, and she shudders over the "the 1950's-ification and retrogression of women's lives" that her thirty-something unmarried friend gripes about. Then she floods back into the feminist mystique with the old "power dynamics." (The power dynamics that
kept her from getting a man -- which is or isn't what she wanted?) Because all human relationships boil down to who has the power, right?
At a party for the Broadway opening of "Sweet Smell of Success," a top New York producer gave me a lecture on the price of female success that was anything but sweet. He confessed that he had wanted to ask me out on a date when he was between marriages but nixed the idea because my job as a Times columnist made me too intimidating. Men, he explained, prefer women who seem malleable and awed. He predicted that I would never find a mate because if there's one thing men fear, it's a woman who uses her critical faculties. Will she be critical of absolutely everything, even his manhood?
He had hit on a primal fear of single successful women: that the aroma of male power is an aphrodisiac for women, but the perfume of female power is a turnoff for men. It took women a few decades to realize that everything they were doing to advance themselves in the boardroom could be sabotaging their chances in the bedroom, that evolution was lagging behind equality.
A few years ago at a White House correspondents' dinner, I met a very beautiful and successful actress. Within minutes, she blurted out: "I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women."
I'd been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with young women whose job it was was to care for them and nurture them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.
John Schwartz of The New York Times made the trend official in 2004 when he reported: "Men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses, and evolution may be to blame." A study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggested that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors. Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them. There it is, right in the DNA: women get penalized by insecure men for being too independent.
Maureen, here is the advice I would give a dear friend: If he didn't call, it's because he's not into you. If he is "between marriages," he is an incredibly bad partner, and best avoided. If this is a common thread in your relationships, "it's not you, it's me," take notice that it porbably is you. And if everyone is hammering you with how intimidating your position at the Times is, maybe you should quit hammering everyone (not just potential suitors) with how impressive and intimidating you think your position at the Times should be to them. And on a scientific note -- how can dating your boss, anyone's boss, be programmed into the DNA? It can't. Women may respond to powerful men (even our girl heroine doesn't want to marry down), men may be attracted to kind, nurturing women, but does any of this have to do with business hierarchies?
The Anchoress pointed out that MoDo is, ahem, less than accepting of "nurturing" professions like secrtaries and researchers (?) and caterers (?) and flight attendants and nannies. (How, exactly, do men marry their nurturing nannies when they must already be married with kids to get to the nannies? The nannies aren't beating you out of the husbands, MoDo.) And that's a major feminist problem, too. What if a woman wants to be a stay at home mom? Or own a florist shop or catering shop or work from home? Are these lesser choices? Are men really marrying down to these women? For that matter, are the women marrying up? But that's a small thing. There is a sad, sad aroma about this.
Of course those women having meaningless lives, not like MoDo's, and the husbands they have now are going to abandon them for someone younger and hotter and they'll be left with nothing but snot-nosed kids and a drug habit, while MoDo will have her prestigious career.
The problem is MoDo doesn't know what she wants. Are men so unevolved that they don't appreciate the new equality that women enjoy? Or are women not enjoying their "equality" because it let them down, and so they're abandoning broken feminism? What is the culprit? And is the marriage-family-kid thing a good thing or a regression and prison? She quotes a lot of people who already work at the Times and a couple of friends to prove her point. All of her points, actually. But what it comes down to is she is alone and unhappy, and she doesn't know why.
Footnote:
Ann Althouse has something on it ("Doesn't this make the men sound so unappealing that you wouldn't even want to marry them?"), although the comments are the best part of that particular post.